I feel like a weight has been lifted… A decision has been made. I am able to move again…
Doesn’t mean I don’t miss you, or value you less. Just means I finally love myself a little more than I love you! We couldn’t have kept going at that pace, up and down… eventually; that pendulum was bound to break!
I have FAITH, that life will sort itself out. I just can’t be on standby, waiting for you to figure it out. I know my worth, value… it might have been less in your eyes, but mine see it just fine!
I will never settle for less that I deserve. You won’t see me disgruntled or unhappy because I choose too soon or settled for less! I can be alone, at peace with myself. You will never find me searching from man to man… I define my worth and push myself to be all that I can.
I don’t have to change how I see the world, I never did; to include you into the equation. You were the one, running from the safety in security that love provides…
Your soul is restless, I see it from here; you have nowhere to hide. Tossing and turning,dying to break free. You are truly the only one weighing you down; and you cannot even see. You can try and point fingers; but… the mirror doesn’t lie.
I knew when I walked away, you would start to have doubts… I warned you, you thought they were empty threats… This was never a game you see; my heart, my emotions are as real as they can be.
I am not a toy, this is not a game, you can’t just have it your way; whenever you want! I am a real woman, with priorities and responsibilities! I hold my head high and live my life with integrity…
I have no time or interest in these school yard games. I saw you, I see you… I know you! Even still, today….
Tonight I breathe lighter and easier than before. I have tried so, so many times; to get you to understand, to open up, to talk! I will not… I will not! Titter- totter again back and forth, up on that pendulum again….
We are adults! I can own my feelings, my emotions, my love…. I can own my hurt, my pain, and my faults!
I will never go back to that playground again…. I am grown, I can own the life that I want!
I have FAITH, life always works itself out!
But tonight…. I no longer feel the weight of that rock on my chest! I can breathe! I may crack and crumble from the love I have… But I can put the pieces back together, to create something far more captivating with the beauty in those scars!
I am weak, in that I feel my emotions soo deeply; however, my roots are strong like dandelions in the city, pushing it’s way up through the cement to feel the rain and stand in the sunshine!
My pain… only makes me stronger… Not everyday, is a bad day. Sometimes it is simply a New Beginning.