I saw this quote…. the thing that hit me was; you should never HAVE to fight for it! Love is freely given…. or it’s not!
What…. exactly; are you FIGHTING, for?
#justsaying
#jenz #jenzphelps #findingmybliss #livingmybestlife #overlookingmyflaws #lettinggoofthepast
Sometimes people push you to your limit…
Its just not a game.
It’s unfortunate….
It’s the only coping skill they know.
Let me push you away….
Before….
You push me out.
The endless games of self harm and selfishness and self destruction people play…..
All because, they are too afraid to admit their own pain, own hurt, accept their own vulnerability…..
The amount of endless and wasted energy people put into these games…
That only create…
More harm,
More isolation,
More self loathing,
More dysfunctional behavior,
Can you imagine….
What if….
They put that energy into…
Healing their wounds?
Loving themselves?
Embracing the love offered to them?
Practicing positive coping skills?
What changes in them,
Their relationships,
Their families,
Community’s,
What positive impact on the world …
There would be?!!
Enough already….
With the very poor, behavior!
#healthycopingskills #healing #selfcare #emptyyourmind #embraceyourself #findingmybliss #livingmybestlife #overlookingmyflaws #lettinggoofthepast #followingmymoralcompass #recovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawarenes #mindfulness #healthychoices #bethechangeyouneed #jenz #jenzphelps
Trust is such a odd thing…
Once you acquire it….
It has to be nurtured and fed.
Once it’s been established,
It takes root.
Once trust has roots….
It’s nearly invincible!
As strong as TRUST is….
It has tiny cracks…
That allows it to breathe and grow.
Once you allow inside those cracks,
Pollution such as Doubt, fear, deception…
Trust will crumble before you like a ash wall; left behind in the blaze of Distrust.
If you’re lucky….
If those roots were indeed atrong….
If they were firmly planted,
Nurtured, watered & fed…
There just might be;
Spouts that grow from out the ash…
That will help;
Re-grow your Trust….
Strong again!
But like anything organic.
It still must be watered daily;
Nurtured, tended to, weeded, &you must feed it.
Trust …
Can be given;
But it takes Time to take root & blossom to grow Strong!
#jenz #jenzphelps #findingmybliss #livingmybestlife #overlookingmyflaws #lettinggoofthepast #followingmymoralcompass #recovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawarenes #mindfulness #healthycopingskills #trust #feedmysoul #faith #love #emptyyourmind #findingmyjoy #selfcare
I struggle to understand…
We have moments of clarity.
There is a peacefulness in the air.
Finally… the walls have been torn down!
I can see you, I can hear you!
I can almost reach out and hold you…
We are talking!
Finally!
We are both….
Communicating.
Today no games are needed, no distractions, no disguises…
We are free; safe… we embrace the facts…
We both admit… our Love!
That seems to scare me more than life itself!
I have gaurded my heart for so very long; I thought I was immune! In full control of my emotions. You come along and take over like an Epidemic of massive portion!
I feel out of control! Defenseless even;
it seems nothing I try is remedied my affections….. This LOVE disease….
It affects the mind!
I don’t think clearly when it comes to you.
It appears all rational thinking is greatly impacted.
There is heightened awareness on emotions.
Whenever you’re near; I become consumed by LOVE….
My heart feels as if it will explode!
Whenever you go silent…..
My mind clouds in worry….
My chest feels like the weight of the world is resting on top of it… it becomes hard to breathe….
I said the words….
I never thought was possible….
I said those words…..
Directly to you!!!
Soo;
Why….
Why can we have a moment…
Where we acknowledge our love…
Acknowledge our pain…
Acknowledge what we are to each other; have been to each other; and how we feel today…
Why go back at all….
Into the abyss of silence….?
I realize; we are BOTH…
Far more comfortable here…..
However;
Don’t we deserve;
Don’t we owe it to ourselves;
Don’t we owe it to our kids….
To try to live outside our comfort zone?
To explore what life is like;
In is new world,
Called…. LOVE?
Real LOVE?!
I feel like I have waited my entire life for you…
Like God has always had this…
Higher plan… neither of us knew!
Just maybe…
All the crap….
Life delt us….
Was really…..
Just preparing us for a life together!
We know each other’s worst….
Yet….
Love still overcomes; it all….
I love you …. unconditionally; stubbornness, pride, addiction, kindness, humbleness, caring, gentleness, loving, intelligent; honorable man that you are!
I see you…. flaws & all!
So… again….
I just don’t understand!
Why…..
Are we back into the state of silence…
#freemysoul #iseethroughyou #jenzphelps #jenz #thinkingoutloud #frustration #love #emptyyourmind #findingmyjoy #selfcare #mindfulness #healthycopingskills #alanon #journaling #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawarenes #hope #faith #youaremyperson
Tonight I finally watched a Beautiful Boy movie based on the book by David Sheff.
It was impactful and powerful. I have to say, as movies go… they have to edit down much of the story. But it was well done, it was honest. I would recommend any family or loved one supporting or struggling with someone in addiction to watch it. I think those with addiction would benefit from it; seeing the impact addiction takes on the family’s… However… I would not recommend someone in early recovery, in Meth or IV drug use seeing this alone without someone to process this with. Some scenes could be triggering.
I can say this really hit home for me…. Just in my job over the last 2 years and watching someone I love struggle with use. It was really tough to watch. It also… was very emotional; I wasn’t prepared for that!
I was fortunate in that this past year while attending a recovery event in my community; I was able to hear Nic Sheff speak. He has an amazing story, living proof, that you can overcome anything in life. Including battling your addiction and you can use your demons, and your struggles as stepping stones to build your future: rather than; weights that hold you down.
Journaling & Tears cleanse the soul?
#healthycopingskills #healing #selfcare #jenz #jenzphelps #emptyyourmind #embraceyourself #findingmybliss #alanon #sfami #supportingfamiliesofaddictionandmentalillness #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawarenes #beautifulboy #davidsheff #nicksheff
Truth is…
When you go silent…
I hold my breath….
My heart slows down…
I feel the weight of anticipation…
The… what if’s!
It becomes harder to breathe…
My chest thigthens…
My mind races…
A movie reel of every possible situation; plays out in my head…
Your silence….
Is the loudest…
Thing you say!
Its deafening at times!
It creates panic unlike anything I have ever known….
Your silence…
Is the most deadliest weapon you own!
#silence #addiction #mindfulness #mentalhealthawarenes #love #emptyyourmind #freemysoul #iseethroughyou #jenzphelps #jenz
I have truly meet my match in life when it comes to you!
I have never been soo ridiculously in love before in my life! I truly am such a fool when it comes to you!
Yet, I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
I didn’t know what love was; until you stumble your way back into my life….
I find it hard to imagine life without you in it; if I am honest….
You are the joy in my days; the thing I look forward to most…. it only takes… one word, one smile, one look from you…. one joke! My entire world lights up!
You’re my shelter….
My safety net…
You are the one I turn too, in life’s storms….
So…. when: you aren’t doing well….
I worry….
I stress…
I pray!
I loose a piece of myself…..
I love you…
I don’t care; if I say it a trillion times!
Because it’s true!
Nothing is going to change that!
Not even…. you!
When you…. self destruct…
Not even….
When you try to shut me out!
Because…
I see you!
I never saw you coming…
But…
Love….
Has a way…
Of Finding you;
And Claiming the Souls it owns!
#love #blindedbylove #findingmybliss #feedmysoul #feelslikehome #youareapartofme #embraceyourself #embracethelove #theroadlesstraveled #faith
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