I feel I am at war…
At War with myself….
My Emotions…
My feelings… over, you! Your addiction, your circumstances…… your behaviours….. how I respond to you!…US!
Life!
I am just mixed with emotions….
I go from trying to be patient and understanding….
To simply, mad & angry with you!
So pissed at you!
For this disease!
For how you are allowing it to take over your life!
How you deny help offered!
How you push away the people trying to help you!
How you seek shelter and hide behind people that enable you and employ your behavior!
I am so mad! Pissed! Angry! At you….
At those around you!!!
That keep you stuck in this prison you are building for yourself!
I could scream!!!@#!
I keep trying to break through to you!
I keep trying to reach inside…
To the man I know!
The man I love & adore!
But……
You… drift …
Further, & further away….
You keep letting drugs, & toxic people poison your brain!
I fear….
Before long….
The boy i once knew….
The man…. i love & adore….
Will no longer be there….
He will cease to exist!
Become a ghost of himself….
I fear….
It has already,
Begun!
That turns my anger into sorrow & sadness!
Because I know what life you could have!
I know what you are capable of…
I know the man inside the ghostly shell!
You see…
He has the heart & soul of the boy….
I first loved!
I know…
The good that lines his heart….
I know his true character…
I know him…
As sure as I breathe!
I keep praying…..
He finds his way back to himself…
That he breaks free…
From the bonds of his addiction…
From the chains holding him down surrounded by toxic people!
And finds his way back to me!
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