Censorship

You’re the only person I have ever shared, all sides of myself with… I know you hold back… you are only comfortable sharing certain pieces of yourself with me…

Even when I feel & see you…

But I… I share all of my myself openly, freely with you…. Do you have any idea… how freeing & addictive that is?

I am safe, with you….

I don’t really know how to pull back. I don’t really know how not to share, so openly with you… I am honestly not sure, I want to learn!

I don’t want to censor myself around you!

I censor myself in every other aspect of my life! But never with you….

I need the release, the safety of your trust… I need to be able to purge & unload, without fear of judgement or doubt. Truth be told… I need you! Perhaps that’s simply, asking for too much…

I need you it seems, more than you need me…

You find comfort in others,

Sections of yourself shared with only those you feel, understand your pain…

The awareness I have of my actions…

The awareness I have of those watching,

The awareness I have of those waiting…

Watching to see if I practice what I preach…

Waiting to see if I fail or disappoint them.

Watching & Waiting… to say… I told you!

I struggle daily,

It’s an ongoing going battle deep within my soul… To do the right thing. To not make this about me… To see the greater need…

I don’t want to censor myself around you.

I don’t want to contemplate each interaction,

Each spoke or written word.

Each shared secret,

Each shared memory,

Each hidden desire.

I don’t know how to not….

Not, be…

Yours.

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