I struggle to understand

I struggle to understand…

We have moments of clarity.

There is a peacefulness in the air.

Finally… the walls have been torn down!

I can see you, I can hear you!

I can almost reach out and hold you…

We are talking!

Finally!

We are both….

Communicating.

Today no games are needed, no distractions, no disguises…

We are free; safe… we embrace the facts…

We both admit… our Love!

That seems to scare me more than life itself!

I have gaurded my heart for so very long; I thought I was immune! In full control of my emotions. You come along and take over like an Epidemic of massive portion!

I feel out of control! Defenseless even;

it seems nothing I try is remedied my affections….. This LOVE disease….

It affects the mind!

I don’t think clearly when it comes to you.

It appears all rational thinking is greatly impacted.

There is heightened awareness on emotions.

Whenever you’re near; I become consumed by LOVE….

My heart feels as if it will explode!

Whenever you go silent…..

My mind clouds in worry….

My chest feels like the weight of the world is resting on top of it… it becomes hard to breathe….

I said the words….

I never thought was possible….

I said those words…..

Directly to you!!!

Soo;

Why….

Why can we have a moment…

Where we acknowledge our love…

Acknowledge our pain…

Acknowledge what we are to each other; have been to each other; and how we feel today…

Why go back at all….

Into the abyss of silence….?

I realize; we are BOTH…

Far more comfortable here…..

However;

Don’t we deserve;

Don’t we owe it to ourselves;

Don’t we owe it to our kids….

To try to live outside our comfort zone?

To explore what life is like;

In is new world,

Called…. LOVE?

Real LOVE?!

I feel like I have waited my entire life for you…

Like God has always had this…

Higher plan… neither of us knew!

Just maybe…

All the crap….

Life delt us….

Was really…..

Just preparing us for a life together!

We know each other’s worst….

Yet….

Love still overcomes; it all….

I love you …. unconditionally; stubbornness, pride, addiction, kindness, humbleness, caring, gentleness, loving, intelligent; honorable man that you are!

I see you…. flaws & all!

So… again….

I just don’t understand!

Why…..

Are we back into the state of silence…

#freemysoul #iseethroughyou #jenzphelps #jenz #thinkingoutloud #frustration #love #emptyyourmind #findingmyjoy #selfcare #mindfulness #healthycopingskills #alanon #journaling #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawarenes #hope #faith #youaremyperson

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