Never did I see myself here

Never did I see myself here. This place in life, a waiting room of sorts. I am on the other side of the desk usually. I am the caregiver, the one counseling others, reminding them to set firm boundaries. To role model for their loved ones how life should be.

You took that away from me. You brought me to the other side. The side of worry, fear, stress, angst… You brought me restless nights, endless stressful days.

You weighted down my heart, causing it to tear & break. There is an emptiness now, larger than before. A endless void that causes me to pray, for God to take the heartache away.

I knew better. You cannot open doors from the past. Once you walk through, they are sealed. That window passed. Now I wear a armour of fear around, instead of hope.

I never wanted to be on this side again. I grew up watching the damage it creates. You think by being silent, this will simply go away. You think by ignoring the issues it will resolve itself.

Nothing will change, until you own your lifes choices. Time is running out… Can’t you feel it, slipping through your hands; faster than your heart beats ?

I still carry the burden of HOPE. I carry it around like a rock on my chest. It crushes me little more each time I take a breath. Taking the life out of me.

I never intended to wait, my mind, body, soul got stuck; frozen in time. You have to know how you ripple out into every aspect of my life.

My heart now beats, like a heavy tribal drum. I hear the faint of calling of a war cry…

*thumb*… *thumb*…, … *thumb*

It’s harder to breathe, each day passing. I am here…

Waiting…

Pacing…

My mind clouded with fear, worry, & stress.

*thumb*… *thumb*…, … *thumb*

There is another tightening in my chest…

*thumb*… *thumb*…, … *thumb*

I keep looking, searching, praying,

It’s harder to breathe…. the weight is crushing me from the inside out…

*thumb*… *thumb*…, … *thumb*

I never intended to be on this side of things…

I never thought I would fall into this quicksand.

It’s pulling me down… each breath I take, sinking me down little more…

*thumb*… *thumb*…, … *thumb*

It’s harder to breathe!

I feel my heart being ripped to shreds…

The pain is so intense….

*thumb*… *thumb*…, … *thumb*

I NEVER thought I would be on this side of things…

Down on my knees… Begging God please, keep him safe… another night!

*thumb*… *thumb*…, … *thumb*

*thumb*…

*thumb*…, … *thumb*

It’s too heavy… I can’t keep pacing, the waitroom is suffocating….

I never thought… I would be here…

Praying…

Waiting…

Praying….

Worrying….

My heart can’t take it….

…. … …

I can’t watch you self destruct, I can’t stay in this waiting room, any longer…

I can’t breathe!

… … … _________

Life… is a gift, a blessing to be cherished. I can’t stay in this waiting room any longer….

Waiting for you, to realize…. You need help!

I have to Breathe!

#sfami #supportingfamiliesofadultmentallyill #addiction #familysupportgroup #recovery #awareness

http://www.sfami.net

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