Frozen in time

You are grown… I keep forgetting that!

In my mind, we are frozen in time.

16 again!

I find myself, so protective of you!

You know the risks…

Your life choices are on you.

I have tried… reaching out.

I have tried… just being your friend.

I have tried… to understand.

I fail… at reaching you.

I fail… at keeping my emotions in check.

I fail… at trying to not love you.

I don’t really understand, why I feel as strong as I do.

I pray about it…. daily!

God knows, I do!

I don’t like feeling this way!

Out of control…

Emotions on overload…

Simply, not being able to walk away!

I do this for a living, you know!

Tell people how to, walk away…

How to, love from afar!

How to, set healthy boundaries…

Yet, I see myself…

Being pulled, and stuck…

Frozen in time…

I know better!

I can clearly see,

All the mistakes,

All the missed opportunities,

All the second guessing,

All the lies,

All the clear signs, of active addiction!

Eventually,

I will thaw out….

I will slowly start, to move about…

I will free myself,

From this mental cage…

What then?

Where does this end?

I love you!

I truly do…

You will forever be, a piece of my heart…

I pray for you; I genuinely want the best for you…

Sometimes I think, you feel ashamed, so you try and stay away…

I am never, NEVER… going to think less of you!

I see you!

I have always seen you!

I knew you then,

I know you now!

I believe in you…

When you, can’t….

Soo, for now…

I stand still.

I listen.

I pray.

I turn it over to God, and I keep my Faith!

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

When you’re ready…

I will be here!

Friends… till the end!

#awareness #recovery #addiction #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #sfami #thestruggleisreal #nami #healing #healthyboundaries #jenzphelps #jenz

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