Fun & Pain

It’s all fun and games until its not! I don’t know how to make the pain stop…. That moral high road… is killing me! It’s drowning me in this world of misery…. I sit here watching you, spinning…. just chasing after that wind! She’s like dust…. ever blowing past you, never settling long enough to satisfy your thirst for affection. I see you!

It becomes a life long lesson in heart wrenching pain!

What you fail to see, the thing you never bother to notice….

Is when, you were crying your tears and drowning in your sorrow: not only did I see you, but I felt your pain too.

I actually, cared for you!

I saw beyond the outer shell and superficial hype!

The boy, the persona, the hustle ….

I saw the dreamer, the poet, the empath, the innovator, the renaissance man, the meek, tinder hearted man that truly lies inside that outer shell….

I see through all that external hype and flash!

See… I actually saw YOU!

I see you still now….

Circling the waters like a shark….

Always on high alert!

I know how keen your senses are….

Lyrical poet, master with the pen… tounge with the quickness, words can cut sharp like a knife or savor you into the night…..

I know you… beyond, your measure!

Just because my head is stuck in the past… doesn’t mean: my mind isnt focused on my future!

Always ever seeking balance in this world of mine….

My Libra scales are always swaying….

My pen: never rests for very long!

My mind is constantly stirring!

Round and round my mind goes…..

My heart was truly shattered and torn…

Into a billion pieces…. scattered everywhere…. I was like a shattered mirror ; when you came along…. and swept up those pieces… putting them back into some type of working order again!

I think a few might be out of synch… perhaps… that is part of .. the confusion!

Timing…. they say, is afterall… Everything!

I can’t help but feel some kind of way….

As I sit back… watching….

Reflecting

Dont be mad… all I have is TIME…

Tic Toc … Tic Toc…

I am the one with the time bomb inside afterall…..

Am I supposed to be gracious? For a life where the connection I desire most…. doesn’t exist?

It’s all what?….

Oh yeah…. #stuffdreamsaremadeof?

I can’t lie, and say in my reflection… I have not wondered… if I (missed my shot) as you coin a phrase* I watch you proclaim stars in your eyes for that wind you chase….. yet, I still feel the breeze from your vibes….. see that makes me wonder…. because I have also given thought to this… When: I was blinded by love…. there was nothing that could quench my thirst…. other than HIM…. But that trust has been damaged…. then…. you came along… and for the first time…. in years… I could dream again… be touched again, kissed again! … Because of you! Now…. you have me questioning…. did I just mess up at 16? Did I throw fate away?

Could it be so simple? …. did I set off all the chaos in my life? Because I was too broken, too naive, to scared just not ready….. to see back then! ? Is this just really it?….. we just get that ONE true LOVE? If you dont recognize it, or aren’t ready for it….. what then?!! Sorry? Better luck next life?……

What happened to happily ever after? You know.. The Stuff Dreans Are Made of? I see everyone around me, getting their storybook ending….. As I feel trapped in a Lora Croft Radiers of the Lost Arc or Never Ever Land, Rouge Adventure Trail…… hi Ho! Silver….. away……

The stuff that doesn’t truly exist….?

Maybe…. I never truly knew him!

Maybe…. I dont truly know you….

Maybe… I just see people in a better light; than they really are…. Maybe I need to just start accepting what people show me at face value… and stop looking beyond that window dressing!

You want the world to see you… then YOU gotta notice … the world and the people drowning in it to!!! I am just not in a good space right now… I feel this! I don’t need the classic cliques to pep me up…. I just need to deal; vent, rage, accept life as it is and move on… I am just…… T.I.R.E.D…. so very, very tired! I feel like whenever, I find a small pocket of joy… it is like one of those, bubbles…. or glass balls…

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