Breaking

I have only truly loved, been *in love* twice in my life. Why is it that you had to be the strongest love, I have known…

How is it, that I walk away: to protect myself…. yet, I am the one… hurting & feeling alone.

Distancing myself from you….. is the hardest thing, i have ever had to do.

#jenzphelps #jenz #mirrorimages #broken #beautifullybroken #loveyousoomuch #pain #love #healthycopingskills #healthyboundaries #healing #momentsintime #mindfulness

Start of Healing

Today was bittersweet…

Bitter in that, in my journey; to reclaim *me*….

I lost you!

I will always love you.

You are forever apart of my past.

You will always be apart of me…

But we are clearly on two different paths in life!

You are still lost, roaming, wandering to find yourself.

I have been on my journey, traveling this road for a long time now.

I am strong in my sense of self!

I know my limits,

My Do’s & Don’ts…

My must haves!

&

My must nots!

I found out today…

What it feels like..

Feels like to look into the mirror…

Post…

My mind being consumed with you!

It feels….

Freeing!

Lighter!

Hopeful…

It feels…

Like I am surviving!!!

No longer feeling,

As if…

I am drowning in you!

Today….

Was the hardest thing,

I have ever had to do!

Packing up each memory…

Each new piece that tied me to you!

Today….

Was the beginning….

Of something New!

I will forever carry,

A piece of you with me!

But today….

I am free!

#jenzphelps #jenz #mirrorimages #phototherapy #embraceyourself #findingmypeace #lettinggo #givingittogod #emotionalism #expressionism #itsthelittlethings #emptyyourmind #love #lovehurts #healthycopingskills #healthyboundaries #healing #momentsintime #mindfulness #recovery #awareness #addiction #sfami #supportingfamiliesofadultmentallyill #thestruggleisreal #loveispatient

Courage to change

Life has a funny way of coming Full circle! A friend, that knows I have been struggling loving someone struggling with Addiction… A friend that once I helped years ago… Now turns tables…. They dropped by tonight… to give me this! #couragetochange A book.from Ala-non. God has a way of bringing people in & out of our lives, teaching us, planting seeds of Faith along the way! Tonight… that friend… heard me… Saw my pain, & didn’t judge or lecture… They just said… “When you’re done… I am here”… I am stubborn, loyal to a fault! I am stuck! Stuck inbetween, loving someone unconditionally & feeling the call to help, to treat, to link… to support! Even when its tearing me apart….

I do a family support group… I tell people daily, to *walk away* set firm boundaries *love yourself* …. I hear myself telling them this… Yet… I myself, cannot completely…. walk away!
#selfcare #mindfulness #awareness #addiction #recovery #mentalhealthawareness #sfami #thestruggleisreal #supportingfamiliesofadultmentallyill #love #healthycopingskills #healthyboundaries #insidemymind

Never Hate you, till now…

I never thought I could …..

Hate you, that is.

I never thought I would…

Hate you, that is.

You have betrayed me, hurt me, damaged my soul more than anyone ever could…

You know why?

Because I believed you, I trusted you, I thought, …. I thought… I actually knew you!

Jokes on me….

The joke is on me you see,

I am the fool!

You once hung the moon, in my eyes…

I had you up on a pedestal, soo very high.

Childhood friends,

Confidants,

Lovers,

Loves…

Firsts…

Friends….

Or, So I thought….

I opened up, like a bleeding artery….

Flowed every piece of my heart & soul to you….

I gave my heart, my mind, my soul….

To you!

I trusted,

I believed in you….

I defended you!

I saw you in a better light, than you are!

I never thought , I could …

Hate you, till now.

I never thought, I would…

Hate you, till now.

I knew, I knew all along….

My heart, kept telling my mind….

I was wrong!

But… I knew…

I should have kept away…

You took the one thing…

The one memory….

The one good piece of my past….

You took that and set it on fire!

You danced and watched it burn….

You just looked on…

You never stopped to think…

You never really cared…

Beyond… your needs!

I never, thought I could….

Hate you, till now.

I never, thought I would….

Hate you, till now.

You did this!

You opened that door!

You kept pushing….

Relentless…..

You wouldn’t stop!

Why?

Not as if you needed to….

God knows….

You’re busy!

I never, thought I could…

Hate you, till now.

I never thought, I would…

Hate you, till now.

Everything good….

Every memory…

Ripped & Torn….

Shattered to shreds!

I never thought, I could…

Hate you, till now.

I never thought, I would…

Hate you, till now.

I never knew…. my kindness,

would be seen as weak!

I never knew… my compassion,

Would be seen as weak!

I never knew… my Love for you.

Would be used, against me…

I never thought, I could…

Hate you, till now.

I never thought, I would…

Hate you, till now.

I gave you my heart…. at 16.

I kept it hidden, tucked away….

You unlocked it… at 43….

I should have stayed….

Very far away!

I never thought, I could…

Hate you, till now.

I never thought, I would…

Hate you, not ever!

But…. yet, here we are!

My love…

Shattered, used against me, & betrayed!

I would have had more respect…..

If you, handled it with honor, integrity…

If you would have…

Simply….

Doesn’t even matter…..

I did this….

I gave you, my heart & soul….

I can reclaim them…!

I ….

I never thought, I could…

Hate you, till now.

I …

I never thought, I would…

I…

Hate how…. I love you…

 

I have to save myself…..

From loving you.

#jenzphelps #jenz #mirrorimages #phototherapy #embraceyourself #findingmypeace #lettinggo #givingittogod #emotionalism #expressionism #itsthelittlethings #emptyyourmind #love #lovehurts #pain #broken #beautifullybroken #rmdrake #rmdrakequotes

I don’t understand

I don’t understand….

I don’t understand how this became your life!

I don’t understand the women you choose.

I don’t understand the drama you embrace.

I don’t understand the repeated mistakes

I don’t understand the constant cycles of, lies, manipulation, chaos that surrounds you….

I don’t understand your reasoning.

Right now….

I just don’t understand you.

#mentalhealthawareness #addiction #recovery #awareness #mindfulness #lettinggo #givingittogod #findingmypeace #faith #hope #jenzphelps #jenz

Gatekeeper of your heart…

Must be something in the air tonight…

I sense you all around me…

I know you’re living a double life…

Torn & struggling between two worlds.

I see you…

Trying to sort through truths & lies…

I see the endless parade of those trying to plot and secure a space next to you…

Doesn’t that say everything?

Don’t they know….?

There is only one place that they can truly desire to be in…

That’s a place they cannot fight for,

A place they cannot win,

A place they cannot cheat for,

A place they cannot barging for,

A place they cannot buy,

A place they cannot demand,

A place they cannot will you to…

A place they cannot guilt you to,

Its simple…

It’s a place in your heart ❤ !

It’s a place that only exists, when you freely give it to that individual!

It’s a place noone can control…

A place that only, your soul, your mind, your body… feel what is real.

A place that only YOU know the contents & depths of your love, in which to freely give.

It’s a place…. only you…

Influence,

Feel,

Connect,

Embrace,

&

Control!

You are the Gatekeeper of your heart!

Unconditionally Loved

It is no accident you invoke such emotion & feelings, deeply in my soul. There is a bond there…

I feel your presence when I am in your thoughts. I feel your spirit when you’re in trouble…. I see through you, when you say you’re ok!

Remember…..

I see you!

I know your character ,

I know your soul!

I worry about you… even when you say, everything is ok.

You are ever present in my heart, ever present on my mind…..

I miss you!

I miss you when you’re quiet, hidden away from lifes chaos….

I miss you popping in & out of my day!

The world is darken

Lonely ,

And feels isolated…

When you’re gone!

I need you to remember…

I need you to see…

The girl you once knew…

The girl you once trusted….

The girl you once held love for….

She’s still here…

She’s still watching…

She’s still waiting….

For you to remember!

To remember who you are,

Remember who you are to me…

Remember that I love you…

Remember what real love is…

Remember you are worthy…

Remember….

Remember that the women I am today….

Still desires,

Wants,

Cherishes,

Loves….

The boy.. you were then…

The man…You are today!

Damaged, broken, torn, re-built , the man… you are today!

Its simple….

I love you!❤ Unconditionally…

#broken #beautifullybroken #loveyousoomuch❤ #rmdrake #truth #rmdrakequotes #moon&stardustquotes #jenzphelps #jenz #mirrorimages #phototherapy #embraceyourself #findingmypeace #lettinggo #givingittogod #loveunconditionally #emotionalism #expressionism #itsthelittlethings #emptyyourmind #love #kindsoul friendship

I hate when she is in pain….

First bad headache in a few months…. She amazes me how much she has endured at such a young age. She has already won! When it comes to life…. over beaten all the odds, my proven miracle! The reason I know without a doubt there is a God! The reason I do not question the power of prayer! The reason I know God has purpose for us all… The reason I know… life is not about me… not about pain, or being angry at the unknown, or things we cannot explain…. But… the reason, we must look beyond ourselves, look beyond the circumstance, & just simply have FAITH…. God has a purpose for us all…..

My greatest achievements in life…. ARE, my beautiful, resilient, strong, daughters!❤❤❤ # #lovehersoomuch❤ #lovethemsoomuch❤
#haveFAITH #lifeislargerthanyourcircumstance