jenzphelps

Trust is such a odd thing…

Once you acquire it….

It has to be nurtured and fed.

Once it’s been established,

It takes root.

Once trust has roots….

It’s nearly invincible!

As strong as TRUST is….

It has tiny cracks…

That allows it to breathe and grow.

Once you allow inside those cracks,

Pollution such as Doubt, fear, deception…

Trust will crumble before you like a ash wall; left behind in the blaze of Distrust.

If you’re lucky….

If those roots were indeed atrong….

If they were firmly planted,

Nurtured, watered & fed…

There just might be;

Spouts that grow from out the ash…

That will help;

Re-grow your Trust….

Strong again!

But like anything organic.

It still must be watered daily;

Nurtured, tended to, weeded, &you must feed it.

Trust …

Can be given;

But it takes Time to take root & blossom to grow Strong!

#jenz #jenzphelps #findingmybliss #livingmybestlife #overlookingmyflaws #lettinggoofthepast #followingmymoralcompass #recovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawarenes #mindfulness #healthycopingskills #trust #feedmysoul #faith #love #emptyyourmind #findingmyjoy #selfcare

I struggle to understand…

We have moments of clarity.

There is a peacefulness in the air.

Finally… the walls have been torn down!

I can see you, I can hear you!

I can almost reach out and hold you…

We are talking!

Finally!

We are both….

Communicating.

Today no games are needed, no distractions, no disguises…

We are free; safe… we embrace the facts…

We both admit… our Love!

That seems to scare me more than life itself!

I have gaurded my heart for so very long; I thought I was immune! In full control of my emotions. You come along and take over like an Epidemic of massive portion!

I feel out of control! Defenseless even;

it seems nothing I try is remedied my affections….. This LOVE disease….

It affects the mind!

I don’t think clearly when it comes to you.

It appears all rational thinking is greatly impacted.

There is heightened awareness on emotions.

Whenever you’re near; I become consumed by LOVE….

My heart feels as if it will explode!

Whenever you go silent…..

My mind clouds in worry….

My chest feels like the weight of the world is resting on top of it… it becomes hard to breathe….

I said the words….

I never thought was possible….

I said those words…..

Directly to you!!!

Soo;

Why….

Why can we have a moment…

Where we acknowledge our love…

Acknowledge our pain…

Acknowledge what we are to each other; have been to each other; and how we feel today…

Why go back at all….

Into the abyss of silence….?

I realize; we are BOTH…

Far more comfortable here…..

However;

Don’t we deserve;

Don’t we owe it to ourselves;

Don’t we owe it to our kids….

To try to live outside our comfort zone?

To explore what life is like;

In is new world,

Called…. LOVE?

Real LOVE?!

I feel like I have waited my entire life for you…

Like God has always had this…

Higher plan… neither of us knew!

Just maybe…

All the crap….

Life delt us….

Was really…..

Just preparing us for a life together!

We know each other’s worst….

Yet….

Love still overcomes; it all….

I love you …. unconditionally; stubbornness, pride, addiction, kindness, humbleness, caring, gentleness, loving, intelligent; honorable man that you are!

I see you…. flaws & all!

So… again….

I just don’t understand!

Why…..

Are we back into the state of silence…

#freemysoul #iseethroughyou #jenzphelps #jenz #thinkingoutloud #frustration #love #emptyyourmind #findingmyjoy #selfcare #mindfulness #healthycopingskills #alanon #journaling #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawarenes #hope #faith #youaremyperson

Truth is…

When you go silent…

I hold my breath….

My heart slows down…

I feel the weight of anticipation…

The… what if’s!

It becomes harder to breathe…

My chest thigthens…

My mind races…

A movie reel of every possible situation; plays out in my head…

Your silence….

Is the loudest…

Thing you say!

Its deafening at times!

It creates panic unlike anything I have ever known….

Your silence…

Is the most deadliest weapon you own!

#silence #addiction #mindfulness #mentalhealthawarenes #love #emptyyourmind #freemysoul #iseethroughyou #jenzphelps #jenz

I have truly meet my match in life when it comes to you!

I have never been soo ridiculously in love before in my life! I truly am such a fool when it comes to you!

Yet, I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

I didn’t know what love was; until you stumble your way back into my life….

I find it hard to imagine life without you in it; if I am honest….

You are the joy in my days; the thing I look forward to most…. it only takes… one word, one smile, one look from you…. one joke! My entire world lights up!

You’re my shelter….

My safety net…

You are the one I turn too, in life’s storms….

So…. when: you aren’t doing well….

I worry….

I stress…

I pray!

I loose a piece of myself…..

I love you…

I don’t care; if I say it a trillion times!

Because it’s true!

Nothing is going to change that!

Not even…. you!

When you…. self destruct…

Not even….

When you try to shut me out!

Because…

I see you!

I never saw you coming…

But…

Love….

Has a way…

Of Finding you;

And Claiming the Souls it owns!

#love #blindedbylove #findingmybliss #feedmysoul #feelslikehome #youareapartofme #embraceyourself #embracethelove #theroadlesstraveled #faith

I Surrender….

I am just letting go….

Giving it to God!

I can admit to not being in control.

I have done, all I can humanly do!

I can simply…

Only…

Surrender.

To you,

To God,

To fate…

To whatever will be!

I Surrender!!!

#venting #emptyyourmind #freemysoul

I can’t go into 2019 doing the same thing!

It’s been two years! I love you more than words can describe… Soo much so I am angry at God for giving me such a love, knowing how this would end!

I might never move on and I might always feel this way….

But….

I simply… cannot stay frozen in time!

#jenz #jenzphelps #feedmysoul #findingmyway #emptyyourmind

Tic…. Toc…

I think time is running out….

I think what everyone said is finally coming true…

When you finally have enough…

When you finally….

Get sick & tired,

Of simply…

Being….

Sick & tired…

Of…

The excuses….

The lies….

The poor behavior.

The lack of consideration.

The selfish behavior….

When you finally….

See you…

For You!

The glamour fades…

The memories seem to lose their luster..

You suddenly seem….

Well…..

Just simply put….

A man…

Like any other….

The veil of honor has been lifted…

The illusion is gone….

I see more clearly now…

That star dust has cleared from my eyes…

I was struck!

I was blinded….

I can own it ALL!

But I hear the clock…

Tic…Toc!

As it counts down…

Loudly… on the wall!

Tic…

Toc…

Your time…. is about up!

#lettinggo #lifegoals #healthycopingskills #healing #selfcare #emptyyourmind #embraceyourself #findingmybliss

I can’t believe how I let you get to me…

I can’t believe how your words cut through me life a knife….

I can’t believe you!

I don’t know who you are sometimes…

It’s like you are two different people…

Two different versions of yourself…

I don’t think you know the power you hold…

I don’t think you know the damage you can do….

I don’t think you truly understand….

Just how hurtful….

Just how deep….

Some wounds….

Can grow……

#pain #hurt #love #emptyyourmind #emotions #toxic #broken #woundedsoul #lovehurts #healing #lettinggo

So today I attended an Open Council Dialogue meeting for Girl Scouts of Virginia Skyline on behalf of LCCGSSU. I have attended a few of these and enjoyed them all. What made today’s meeting so different? I greatly enjoyed the round table format in which we meet. I also was very inspired by the renewed leadership of the GSVSC CEO Nikki Williams !

I tell people all the time, girl scouts truly develops leadership and collaboration among women and builds sisterhood. It not only helps grow future girl leaders, it helps develops our communities and supplies majority of our community service programs with service projects. It teaches girls about civic duty and responsibility and community engagement.

All walks of socioeconomic backgrounds come together in many churches and other meeting places to hold troop meeting or events.

Professionally I often reference ideas learned from Girl Scouts meetings or events and have been able to utilize those concepts to benefit other projects.

So next time someone asks…..

#whybeagirlscout? Or #whybeagirlscoutleader ?

It’s simple….

Because…..

Girl Scouts is G.I.R.L. Lead. It builds girls for leadership and builds lifetime bonds of sisterhood that promotes positive impact on our society and communities. Something I am very proud to be apart of!
#girlscoutstrong #LCCGSSU #girllead #gsvsc

There does finally come a time where you find yourself just tired….

Tired of waiting….

Tired of hoping…

Tired of second chances…

Tired of broken promises…

Tired of the games…..

Tired of excuses…

Tired of lame stories….

Tired of predictable behaviors…

You finally just get tired….

Of…. well….

Being…. Tired!

Then you STOP….

Accepting the poor behavior!

#truth #feedmysoul #faith #love #emptyyourmind #findingmyjoy #jenz #jenzphelps #findingmybliss #healthycopingskills #artistherapeutic #arttherapy #deepbreathing #meditativedrawing #healing #lettinggo #healthyboundaries

So life has a way of humbling you. Last night Summer has a bad headache. She was in so much pain she broke down finally asked to go to the hospital. I had only been home for an hour. She hadn’t taken her meds, she just broke down. I lost it… panicking flashing back to all those nights being at UVA. Them really doing nothing for her. Ughh… she has been going soo well… Headaches are increasing this year however, but have still been manageable.

I gave her her meds, ice pack, tried to calm her down. I could tell the pain had started to take a toll on her and she had started to panic. That had increased the pain. Checked back in on her by 11pm she had settled down fallen asleep.

We have been dealing with this since she was 2 years old. I watch her… go through these episodes of pain and instability… then she gets stable, adjusting back to life then out of nowhere…. it’s like having the rug pulled from underneath you. Making you fall to the ground turning the room upside down.

I am getting better at breathing my way through those moments…. but they do not get easier to be honest. Truth be told … there is nothing more gut wrenching then watching your child double over in pain unable to help…
It’s the most helpless feeling in the world.

#lovehersoomuch❤ #findingmyway #migraines #clustermigraines #amv #seizures #migrainestenosis #intervellumcyst #mydaughterstrongestpersoniknow #faith

I really don’t understand what the purpose of falling in love is….

Why open yourself up to see heartache?

Why allow yourself to become so vulnerable?

Why put so much trust into one person?

It never seems to last for anyone….

So why invest the time?

Why invest the emotions?

Why invest the energy?

Why bother?

I don’t think….

Anyone should put that much faith…

Trust…..

Hope….

Love….

Into…..

Any…

One….

Person!

I don’t think…..

I willl….

Ever……

Again!

It simply….

Costs…. too deep a price…..

A price my soul….

Simply… cannot pay!

Me!

#never #neveragain #pricetoohigh #broken #piecesofme #findingmyselfagain

Not everyone is vested in seeing you reach your happiness.

Many, secretly want to see you stay in your corner where they are comfortable with you always being.

Because when you. Are there…

You are always available for them!

These are the same people that call to say hello , how are you? Then proceed to tell you all about their life & their problems. Because to hear about your life makes them uneasy…

Truth is…

They can’t handle your life!

They can’t handle knowing your hurting,

That your in pain,

That you are vulnerable…

Because they depend on you!

They can’t handle the idea…

The thought…

The Image that… you might be human.. too!

I am working on finding my way…

Inspite… of the needs & demands of those around me!

#livingmybestlife #embraceyourself #findingmybliss #mypeaceofmind #feedmysoul #faith #love #emptyyourmind #findingmyjoy #selfcare #mindfulness